How do you appear confident and in control when in an intimidating situation, or how you handle the office bully?
Bullying behaviour sadly doesn’t stop when we leave school, so how can we learn to manage it?
Setting firm boundaries can help you to manage the office bully whether it’s a boss, or just the nasty girl in the sales department.
New here? I write about confidence and stepping into your power. Here’s some more blog posts that might help you handle the office bully:
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- How to Network
- 3 Ways to feel confident and overcome social anxiety!
- I was bullied at school and how I survived
- How to Handle a Bully at Work
- 10 Ways to Overcome Loneliness When You Work From Home
- How to say NO! How to stop playing nice and get what you want
- Being an Entrepreneur is Lonely
- Comparing yourself to others
- How to Say NO!
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The Harvey Weinstein allegations in Hollywood has thrown a rather unpleasant look at intimidation and sexual abuse in the workplace.
If something doesn’t feel right (e.g. you don’t like the vibe that someone is giving you) trust your instincts. YOU KNOW WHAT DOESN’T FEEL RIGHT.
Trust your instincts around the office bully, and if you feel uncomfortable – TELL SOMEONE!
Office bullying is not acceptable. You don’t have to put up with unacceptable behaviour of an office bully. If someone is making you miserable, you don’t HAVE TO STAY in the job. You can find another one, and you will be happier.
Trust your instincts and handle the office bully
The working world can be a minefield of egos, and people that we wouldn’t normally choose to associate with like an office bully. Spending 40+ hours with someone that makes us feel uncomfortable or uneasy is tricky, particularly when they’re the boss!
Now I’m all for you being your own boss, and escaping the 9-5. But when you’re stuck in a job. It can be very stressful if you can’t leave for financial reasons.
To add, even stressful if your boss – or that person – is making your life a misery and is an office bully.
If you have to spend time with the office bully alone. Try and see if you can get someone to go with you to an event or conference.
I once had to go and cover a conference with my sleazy TV boss and I consider an office bully, who had a penchant for bringing prostitutes to the office. And would bring his “friend” on stories when we were away in the field. It was incredibly difficult to work when your boss was distracted by his “friend”. I complained about his behaviour, and he was eventually fired. Unfortunately, he was the popular guy because he bought everyone drinks, so I was loathed.
He made my life very uncomfortable for about a year, and I was desperate to quit. I spiraled into depression and ate tubs of Ben and Jerry’s ice-cream to compensate for my unhappiness. And struggled with binge-eating issues because of the office bully. I was living in Bangkok by myself, and was desperately unhappy. I eventually moved to China.
LEARNING TO MANAGE MY RESPONSE and HOW I HANDLE THE OFFICE BULLY
However, this period of intense unhappiness is the reason that I discovered authors like Wayne Dyer and Eckhart Tolle.
They taught me to think differently and address many of the issues that I had from childhood bullying and how to handle the office bully.
It was on this personal development journey that I learned about healthy eating and yoga.
Office Politics
Remember that BULLYING is NOT ACCEPTABLE in the workplace, and you don’t have to put up with the office bully.
Speaking with a calm confidence and looking them directly in the eye can be very intimidating for the office bully. Very often the bully is using you to claim some power that they are missing from somewhere in their life.
PRACTICE SAYING NO WHEN A SITUATION IS UNACCEPTABLE
Unless we LEARN to voice our unease in a situation and stand up for ourselves. No one is going to stand up for us from the office bully.
What parameters can you set for your boss or the person who intimidates you or is an office bully?
It took me a long time to learn how to stand up for myself, but these are a few tips that I’ve learned.
- Stand tall
- Your body language matters – have your shoulders back.
- Look the office bully in the eye
- Smile, it can disarm the office bully.
- Remember to breathe.
- You can choose how you react to the situation. You can choose to be intimidated by the office bully. Or you can choose to find a different way of seeing the situation. It’s hard to do this when you’re in the midst of the moment. So practice keeping calm and breathing deeply (see my post on body language).
For more on this, check out my next post which is all about CONFIDENCE, and how to APPEAR CONFIDENT WHEN YOU’RE INTIMIDATED.
HOW TO SAY NO:
Practice talking to your imaginary boss in the mirror, and start standing up to the office bully. The more you talk to the mirror, the more you will start to feel comfortable standing your ground.
Say “no” for the small things first of all… No to coffee, or ice-cream before you say no to your boss or office bully.
What’s your strategies for dealing with the office bully? Please leave your thoughts and comments below 🙂
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Well done to you for surviving. Something like that really changes how you deal with life and raise your children. I went through a total mental and physical breakdown about 7 years ago because of an extremely toxic work environment and intimidating superiors and was very sick for about a year. However after coming out the other end it actually was the best thing that ever happened to me. I quit my job in warehousing and trained to do something that I never would have been able to contemplate because the usual stuff like shyness and fear of failure, always got to me. So now I am a phlebotomist. Yes I am a vampire, I stick needles into people and take blood samples and I love it. I have met some absolutely incredible people. I just seemed to somehow get this power to never be afraid of trying and learning new things. I am never rude to people but now I can stand tall and put a bully in their place, which is empowering because it is not expected. In fact there has been several times when I have just laughed, told them never to carry on like that again or it will be reported even if I just shout it from the roof top, and walked away. Funnily enough they stopped because I was no longer a weak target in their eyes. If I can give one piece of advice, anything that makes you or workmate uncomfortable is not on. Don’t grin and bare it, I know its hard if you are young or in your first career or you think you will cause trouble. What ever you do don’t keep any unwanted behavior to yourself. Report it, Tell the world if you have to. What really is the worst thing that could happen? You won’t spontaneously combust or grow another head. But be proud knowing that these type of people can’t hurt you or anyone else when you ask for help.
Good for you Robyn for standing tall, and tackling this head on xx